Vegetable Plants Aren't Here to Make Friends

Let's talk about the veggie and herb growing situation that I hope to have next year.

First, what did I do this year that was awesome?  Well, that tomato is kind of insane.  Last year I grew one in a large container, and that was cool, and I got some tasty little tomatoes.  So this year I was like, a) I can't put it in the same place again, because reasons, and b) let's try it in the raised bed, even though it isn't the most sun ever, and see how it does?  And I bought a Sun Gold type something cherry tomato and Lowe's (the Bonnie Plants brand) instead of the yuppy place with my mom like last year, and I planted it after drawing a lot of pictures on graph paper of the one square foot it would need!  See, on the paper, how many pictures of plants I can fit into that space?  HahahahaaaAwesome!

So I put a tomato plant and a jalapeno pepper plant side by side, like lil buddies, with matching trellis...ess...s that were 15 in wide. and like not even 4 feet high, thinking they would grow up side by side and make nice little vegetables-that-are-really-fruits together.

And the pepper was like, "Tomato, you're my best friend," and the tomato was like, "Hahahah you little bitch.  I mean, sure, you too buddy."

The tomato obviously grew a little faster, which is fine, everyone grows at their own rate and that's ok.  You just do you, lil pepper.

But then, 2 months later, the tomato is like 10 feet tall and has taken over the world, and is carrying with it a bunch of thug pole bean plants, and the pepper is nowhere to be seen. I planted like, 20 seeds, but then there was hail and a bunch of them looked like shit so I pulled out about half and still they're kind of out of control.

A lot of this happened in the first week of July.  I went to Utah for work, then to DC for fun, so I was gone a solid week.  The day before I left, I watered everything like crazy, gathering up the empties from the summer festivities, peeling off the labels for decency, and filling them with water and inverting them into pre-drenched soil.  Everything survived, which is amazing, so let's do that again, but the tomato and beans were flopped over on to the lawn, unable to support their own massiveness.  Which is normal, right?  How many times did Mike McGrath explain to me that the tomato is a huge plant?  And that if you want a tomato that tastes good, at has to be a total fucking monster?

Mike McGrath is always like, Get some industrial strength steel and build an actual WWE Octagon cage-fight cage, because anything else, your tomato plant will TAKE IT DOOOOWWWWN.  And I was like, ooh you know what would look pretty, some little wooden trellis things; but not too big!  Maybe I could make it out of reclaimed 18th century toothpicks!  Blah blah Pinterest!

So I bought these cages (2), for tomatoes next year.  They at least fold up, so they don't have to just hang out in front of my house like so much garbage.  And I like that they are square.  They are 14 1/2" square, 20" diagonally, which is how I plan to arrange them in the rectangular, 24" deep bed, as a reminder of how much space they need to do their thing and to not think they're going to be friends with a pepper.  Come on.  (Actually, I got Tomato Towers, not Tomato Cages. They are tall.)

I also got these "self watering" containers (3) and I will use them for something?  Something that's going to climb up patio walls.  The Morning Glory are lovely, but I'm not sure they are getting along with the pole beans.  I think I'm getting more bean plant and less flowery plant.  The purple pole beans are so fucking cool.  The stems are purple, the leaves have purple streaks, they have purple flowers, it's awesome.  And I've already gotten like, 1/2 lb of beans, while I haven't had one bean yet from old Kentucky Wonder over in the raised bed.  And Kentucky regular-ass-green bean plant has grown a lot, like it makes me nervous hanging out near it cause it might strangle me, but no beans yet?  Is that a "too much nitrogen" thing?  But the tomato is messy with fruit, so that doesn't make sense.  The best explanation I can come up with is sun- the ones on the patio (purple) get beaten with sun, so they don't need to make crazy leaves, but the raised bed gets dappled sun for a minute and then some shade after about 3.  So I think they get just barely 6 hours.
The other reason to not grow pole beans in a tiny raised bed is that they take that shit over.

And this is at Longwood!  (So, I don't wanna be a bitch, but did anyone else thing Longwood's vegetable garden was actually not that impressive?  I mean, did you see the tomatoes?  They've kind of let themselves go.  And cut back your kale already, it's July.)  

(Longwood: "Remember those zinnias that were bigger than your fist?"  Me: "Shut up, Longwood.")

So, pole beans are really better suited to covering up ugly things than sharing space. And clearly they do not mind being in little tiny containers that dry out.  Since so much of my space is concrete, I should be doing more in containers.

But, also, the opposite of that- there's no reason I can't have vegetable plants near flowers.  The spaces that are already established as planting areas get the best sun, and no matter how many graph paper pictures I draw, I can't come up with a way to set up a raised bed in the good sun.  So maybe in makes sense to put some of these lettuce and greens plants in the planting beds?  And the herbs, too?  The thyme is really perfect for an edging plant, the basil would probably do a lot better if it didn't have to compete with those assholes Tomato and Pole Bean, and maybe a pepper and and eggplant could find a home in there as well.

The jalapeno I thought was lost in the gang violence of the raised bed is actually still there, surviving, not quite thriving, but fruiting.  I did buy another one today from Wedgewood.  He was suffering from another kind of struggle- sprouted as a seedling and potted up in about 6 fl oz of soil and left in the sun, fertilized excessively, and laden with more pepper fruits than his little pepper body could handle.  My first pepper is like the kid from the bad neighborhood, and this one is the affluent over-achiever who was planning to hang himself in his parents' finished basement. And I'm about to pot him up with some perlite and compost, while I leave the other one in the raised bed, swarmed by bean plants?  He was able to squeeze out a few little stumpy peppers to get my attention, so now I'm like, "Clearly you're fine, sorry your friend Tomato turned out to be such a dick" ?  I should think more about my choices.